Teenage wives. After all, both the LDS Church and Fundamentalist Mormons share common roots and attributes. This non-Mormon perception of Latter-day Saints is more prevalent than many members of the Church realize. Copyright 2023 Deseret News Publishing Company. WebElder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said, There are many good Church members who have been divorced and reiterated that unless a divorced If my parents were sealed in the temple and then got ? on the 12 apostles - LDS Gospel Discussion - ThirdHour 66. The Lord still loves you and will always be there to support you.. Often times in our anxiety to live Gods commandments, we focus on everything we should avoid to remain righteous. Church Participation. Is excommunication generally invoked for adultery and who Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. David Grua, From Embrace to Embarrassment: Remembering Joseph Smiths Polygamy, The Juvenile Instructor (November 2, 2007), accessed August 24, 2011, http://www.juvenileinstructor.org/from-embrace-to-embarrassment-remembering-joseph-smiths-polygamy/. However, it is obvious more needs to be done to answer the questions and concerns of members of all ages. This book, which will help couples contemplating divorce and men and women who are working through divorce, offers guidance, ideas, comfort and gospel perspective for those struggling through the painful experience of divorce. In other words, you cannot be a bishop without the approval of the First Presidency. Most definitely not true. Peggy Fletcher Stack, Poll: Most Still Unsure about Mormons and Polygamy, The Salt Lake Tribune, September 12, 2011, accessed September 13, 2011, http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/52568348-78/mormon-mormons-polygamy-percent.html.csp. Unfortunately, such an outcome is not the case for Latter-day Saints and their polygamous history. Upload or insert images from URL. Fortunately, most former spouses learn to cooperate for the benefit of their children. Brian C. Hales, on the other hand, in an excellent essay, Joseph Smith and the Puzzlement of Polyandry, in The Persistence of Polygamy, 99151, offers a compelling argument for the proposition that Joseph Smiths polyandrous marriages were non-sexual and were eternity only sealings. The practice suffered a slow, difficult death as the Church and its members came to terms with the demise of the practice and yet continued their efforts to keep what they regarded as a sacred principle alive. Interpreter Foundation is not owned, controlled by or affiliated with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 25. WebFor Latter-day Saint children of divorce, questions like this can add to the sadness and uncertainty that divorce brings. To help us understand what its like to be divorced in such a family-oriented church, I conducted a survey of 1,062 Latter-day Saints who have experienced divorce. In their examination of the divorce rate within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, using both civil and temple marriages combined, McClendon and Chadwick (2005) estimated that the current lifetime divorce rate for returned-missionary men to be approximately 12% and for returned-missionary women around 16%. This and other facts about plural marriage need to be understood by Latter-day Saints, so information and specific detail regarding the theology and practice of plural marriage need to be provided at the appropriate time and place. MYTH: God forbids all divorce, and divorce is the unpardonable sin. One faithful Latter-day Saint wrote of his in-laws learning of Joseph Smiths polyandry, My [Page 63]mother-in-laws eyes bulged out.44 One woman who found out about Smiths polyandrous marriages, combined with other issues regarding Joseph Smith and Mormonism, declared she was done, done and DONE!! Then I will get a temple sealing. For an excellent discussion about this pivotal time period, see Gregory L. Smith, Polygamy, Prophets, and Prevarication: Frequently and Rarely Asked Questions about the Initiation, Practice, and Cessation of Plural Marriage in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, FAIR, 2005, accessed January 20, 2014, http://www.fairmormon.org/perspectives/publications/polygamy-prophets-and-prevarication. And while such issues might be of little interest in one stake or ward, members in a neighboring stake or ward might be very interested or have a need for further teaching and explanation. [Page 67]Their sacrifice, etc., involving the practice was in vain and for a false principle??? Not, Flunking Sainthood, July 5, 2011, accessed August 11, 2011, http://blog.beliefnet.com/flunkingsainthood/2011/07/my-polygamous-heaven-not.html. The Browns then moved to Las Vegas, where they continue to produce their show.12 Not to be outdone, the Darger family [Page 51]published Love Times Three: Our True Story of a Polygamous Marriage.13 They took to the talk show circuit to describe their lifestyle and went so far as to suggest they were the inspiration for the family on Big Love. Given the Dargers soap opera adventures, this might be a rather dubious honor. "The train stopped, my mother went out and tried to get food," President Uchtdorf told KUTV. When Elder Oaks was about 11 years old, he took a small job sweeping the floor of a radio repair shop, eventually working his way to radio engineer and announcer in his late teens. Some people counted seeing their bishop as counseling support and never saw a professional. Nevertheless, more should be done since the obvious discomfort and embarrassment of Church representatives is not only fodder for anti-Mormons but also sets a poor example for their fellow members, many of whom are struggling with their own ambivalence about plural marriage. Thirty-five percent of the sample (includes all religious affiliations) who had originally married civilly were either currently divorced or remarried. But, on the other hand, the Church and its members will never be able to divorce themselves from historical plural marriage. This may make many more supportive of divorce when it happens outside the Church.. What handbook are you referring to? Note: At the time this survey was conducted, the Church had not yet announced the ministering program that replaced home and visiting teaching. Members were stung by the presence of those who had chosen to continue plural marriage outside of the Churchs control.3 This constant reminder to both members and the outside world has embarrassed and bothered Church officials and members alike. Copy in authors possession. They need the healing power and hope that come from the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Details regarding this matter have been communicated to stake and mission presidents.". To help provide for her family, Elder Oaks's mother went to New York to continue her education while Elder Oaks and his siblings stayed with their grandparents. EIN: 46-0869962. WebIn the end, they found that 7% of LDS members who had originally had a temple marriage were either now divorced or divorced and remarried. And making an effort to help, even if its awkward, can pay major dividends, as one respondent shared: I was brought to tears many times at the amazing support I received from so many members.. However, it wasn't until years after Elder Bednar's mission and after he was married that his he received an answer to the question he had been asking his father all those years when his father called him to ask, "What are you doing this Saturday? Those who have been divorced have experienced great pain. The only safe path through a divorce is to remain true to the gospel. The commencement and particularly the end of plural marriage [Page 69]were fitful and certainly painful for those involved. The children in that marriage joined the lawsuit and allege their stepfather abused them. Separated but not Divorced: The LDS Churchs However, the couple experienced tragedy about five years after their marriage. Before his 13th birthday, Elder Baxter was baptized and received the Aaronic priesthood. He served as the last administrator of the Aaronic Priesthood prior to the restoration of the Melchizedek Priesthood when Jesus Christ came. Because of plural marriages inherent sexual implications, it is natural there would be some discomfort and embarrassment. Men tend to be action oriented, so they may be less inclined to seek counseling and instead bury their feelings by working long hours or immersing themselves in a hobby. Divorce is traumatic: those involved can experience feelings of shock, denial, confusion, depression, and anger, as well as physical symptoms such as disrupted sleep and eating patterns. Then it should be emphasized that we no longer practice plural marriage. 1. Therefore, leadership at different levels could decide what and where to teach its members, as well as who might be the most knowledgeable and able to teach such sensitive matters.66. Media Library. Feelings About Plural Marriage. In contrast to the perception the Church and its leaders try to hide the Churchs past, one respondent wrote that he had previously had problems with polygamy until a general authority visited his mission and, during a question and answer period, explained the background of plural marriage. Can a man who is divorced and/or remarried be an elder? Webwesterly kitchen discount code have any lds apostles been divorced I believe there is a strong case that he once was, and my conclusion comes from Pauls words in 1 Corinthians 7:8-9. . I know of no specific policy that forbids a divorced and remarried man from serving in any leadership capacity. Because i personally know a man who divorced after a temple marriage, remarried (eventually in the temple), and later became a bishop. Church leaders were instructed to read the letter in LDS sacrament meetings. Though Elder David A. Bednar's father was not baptized until later in life, he was very supportive of his wife and children attending Church meetings. It should be noted that while most of the sanctioned post-Manifesto plural marriages were performed outside of the United States, some were performed within U.S. borders. It isnt surprising that modern members are ignorant of Mormon plural marriage and the context in which it was practiced, since the LDS Church has, in many ways, downplayed and even ignored its own history. A new take on the parable of the lost sheep may change how you see yourself in the church, How a perfect cherry cheese pie led to food-world fame, 6 temple dresses + accessories Latter-day Saint women will love, Other: 18% (This included: Anger, Apostasy, Sexual Abuse, Health [sick/disabled partner or child], Criminal Activity, In-Law Interference, and Homosexuality. Rather than plural marriage being noticeably absent from Church publications, it should be adequately discussed. Many others had a different reason for their change in calling. Some noted that they asked for a break because of the new demands they faced after their divorce. Not surprisingly, the largest number of respondents who identified their place of [Page 59]birth were from Utah, with the next largest group identifying their birthplace as somewhere in the western United States. Copy in authors possession. the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Joseph Walker, Sarandon Calls Pope a Nazi, Maher Calls Mormonism Ridiculous, Deseret News, October 20, 2011, accessed October 21, 2011, https://www.deseret.com/2011/10/20/20224517/sarandon-calls-pope-a-nazi-maher-calls-mormonism-ridiculous. These and other negative claims against early Mormon polygamy have caused understandable mental and spiritual turmoil for members. Because of this widespread apostasy, the Lord withdrew the authority of the priesthood from the earth. Dr. Swinton says, Love them. One female survey respondent commented, I dont feel a need to defend the original practice, and I dont think it is an eternal principle. Foster, Like Two Crazy Aunts in the Attic.. "This letter is an internal document. I've also known several Bishopric Counselors who have been divorced. Lawsuit alleging sex abuse, cover up filed against family 47. These survey results provide an opportunity for personal reflection. .I apologize. This essay looks at examples of members expression of discomfort over a polygamous heritage and concludes with suggestions of possible pathways to a more comfortable reconciliation. In many ways, the Fundamentalists are the Latter-day Saints extended and somewhat estranged relatives. Divorce was more prevalent in the early Church. Brigham Young had a well publicized divorce. "We always talk about fathers blessing their children and performing the ordinances, and those are wonderful experiences. Excommunication in Mormonism So if you were born to your parents after they were sealed in the temple (born in the covenant) or were sealed to them in the temple yourself, you are still sealed to themboth of themeven after a divorce. Although a strong marriage is the ideal, some marriages unfortunately end in divorce. Our teenage youth need to know about plural marriage, including the fact that Joseph Smith, by commandment of God, introduced the doctrine and practice of the plurality of wives. Sex with teenage wives.48. We are indeed turning a corner finally.57. As they grew up, we would point to pictures of ancestors on the wall and explain how they came from his fifth wife or that the lady in the photograph was the plural wife of the man in [Page 70]the photo hanging next to hers. Commitment to the Covenant: LDS Marriage and Divorce In the Church, we value family relationships so much (rightly so) that many dont know how to deal with divorce because it seems incongruent with the foundation of the Church, which is the family. Michael Brissenden, The Mormon Moment, ABC.net, October 18, 2011, accessed October 19, 2011, http://www.abc.net.au/foreign/content/2011/s3342583.htm. (That doesn't mean the policy doesn't exist, but that I've never seen it). the husband of one wife phrase Members should learn that one practices plural marriage only when God commands it through his prophets, and we are following the prophet by not presently practicing it. The time or times of such sacred education needs a little more explanation. They make up most of the adult LDS membership. So why do Well, I replied, perhaps a little too sarcastically, we wouldnt want them to do that., [Page 58]No, she answered. The place is easya Church setting in which accurate information may be taught in programs such as Primary, Sunday School, and Seminary. He currently serves as the Ward Mission Leader of the Annapolis Maryland Ward. I for one will be getting a civil marriage first, not because of lack of faith or what have you but because it is what God has ordained. I tried to understand that they just didn't know how to deal with a situation like this., Divorce may be more taboo for many, explains Dr. Swinton. One survey respondent wrote, Inadvertently finding out the truth about polygamy/polyandry absolutely devastated me.42 Another complained about Joseph Smith shacking up with women for years and then wrote, I am glad I discovered the truth about dirty Joes polyandry. I am much happier as a saved Christian outside the vile, lying Mormon cult.43, Discovery of Joseph Smiths polyandrous marriages can be a traumatic experience. I wanted them to be strong in the gospel., Church helped me focus on the positive parts in life instead of what the negatives were., During my separation, I clung to the Church more than I ever had before.. E-mail correspondence between [anonymous] and Craig L. Foster, August 11, 2011. Throughout his childhood, Elder Bednar would ask his father several times a week why he was not baptized. Web(Photo: KUTV) (KUTV) At least six people are suing the daughter and son-in-law of Russell M. Nelson, the president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The Apostles that were Married I think being cool matters too much to me. Newell G. Bringhurst, Where Have All of Brigham Youngs Wives Gone? During a conversation regarding Mormon history, I mentioned in passing that Joseph Smith had plural wives. The period between the separation and actual divorce can seem nebulous and interminable. After personal reflection and prayer, Elder Scott felt impressed that he should serve a mission and was called to serve inUruguay from 1950 to 1953. When he was 5 years old, Elder Baxter's mother and father divorced. !45 Another womans exit letter from the Church had a series of accusatory questions including, Why did Smith marry and have sex with 11 women who were married to other men at the same time, some of whom he sent away on missions before marrying their wives? [Page 74]. It says: "Effective immediately, a man who has been previously sealed and later divorced, who desires to be married and sealed in the temple must first obtain a clearance from the First Presi-den-cy. A few reasons suggest themselves: first, while 19th-century polygamy happened, it is, after all, in the past. The author would like to thank Suzanne L. Foster, Brian C. Hales, Laura Hales, and Gregory L. Smith for their help with this paper. If a couple in your ward gets divorced, or a young missionary returns home early, or a teenager doubts his testimony, they do not need your judgment, he warned. Most recently, Rebecca Wall Jeffs Musser, a former plural wife of Rulon Jeffs, with the assistance of award-winning author M. Bridget Cook Burch, published The Witness Wore Red: The 19th Wife Who Brought Polygamous Cult Leaders to Justice.14 This is a fascinating account of her life within and eventual escape from the FLDS, a branch of the fundamentalist movement. It was truly amazing to see how sincere and willing to respond these participants werewhich only emphasizes how much we still have to learn about divorce among Latter-day Saints. Was the Apostle Paul married? Plural marriage has proven to be a prime weapon because a little of the truth can be devastating. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints permits divorce, but the Church's focus on happy, sound, and even eternal families elevates marriage to a sacred covenant not to be lightly dissolved. Of divorce, LDS Prophet Gordon B. Hinckley said, There is now and again a legitimate cause for divorce. Elder Baxter says his mother was "happy, content, and fulfilled until overtaken by mortality" during her marriage for nearly 25 years until she passed away. No one is entirely immune to difficult family situations like these, including the general authorities of the Church. That healing power and that hope are there for them and also for their children.. Can Mormons Divorce if They Were Married in a Temple? - Learn Brigham Young might have done that, but Joseph Smith never would. I let the subject drop. (Respondents could select more than one answer.). 63. Clement is the only Father who reports that Paul was married; many of them expressly deny it; e.g. Interestingly enough, 5 of the respondents were from England, with at least 3 of them identifying themselves as fundamentalist Mormons. Throughout his life, Elder Oaks admired his mother's fortitude and ability to raise her children in the gospel. Meet the Apostles. Almost any discussion of the subject seems to be discouraged through a lack of mention in the manuals and public presentations. Most of these people, however, are just trying to find a way to react to something that is so contrary to accepted marriage patterns. No we didn't see President Hinckley remarry. . Is that true? I thought he was joking. In spite of their migration out of the mainstream Church, discomfort within the Church persisted and intensified over time. Through prayer and a very powerful dream she experienced, she no longer worried about it all.37 [Page 60]Unfortunately, many members are not reconciled to aspects of plural marriage. Your previous content has been restored. Divorce - Mormonism, The Mormon Church, Beliefs, & Religion One woman got an angry look on her face and exclaimed, He did not! I thanked her and hung up, amazed at the extent of her embarrassment and effort to avoid the subject.31, This palpable discomfort with polygamy is shared by regular members of the Church. I felt like I was contagious, and I think that they thought I was!, Church is a family-orientated organization, and when your family splits, it is difficult to find your place., A simple smile or hello . If only married 18. However, LDS members can only have one living, legal spouse while on earth. When a couple legally divorce, the temple marriage/sealing is effectively nullified, because the couple is no longer together and do not wish to be. In fact, Elder Bednar said in his April 2012 general conference talk that some members in his ward did not know his father was not a member because he regularly attending Church meetings with his family and helped with various Church activities. Mormon fundamentalism seems to be ever-present, even invading television on shows such as the now-ended HBO series Big Love, which one television critic described as understanding local culture, our idiosyncrasies, and, in fact, the whole Mormon thing.11 While some people would contest this description, the television show did, nevertheless, have an impact and likely encouraged the reality show Sister Wives as well as other copycat reality fare gracing the cable channels. Nevertheless, with reactivation success, there will always be a need to teach adult members about the Churchs polygamous past. This shaken feeling can leave a divorced man uncomfortable with Church attendance, especially if he believes that others are assuming he has been unfaithful to his wife. The idea that plural marriage will be practiced in the celestial kingdom, the highest degree of salvation in Mormon theology, probably elicits more comments and reaction from the women of the LDS Church than any other aspect of plural marriage. This is, in Relationships are really difficult. Here is some of their best advice: You'll also like: 10 Things Latter-day Saint Singles Wish You Knew, You'll also like:6 Things Every Latter-day Saint with Divorced Parents Should Understand. Plural marriage continued to be practiced in the open until the anti-polygamy persecution of the 1880s and the issuance of the Manifesto in 1890. John C. Bennett, The History of the Saints; or, an Expos of Joe Smith and Mormonism (Boston: Leland & Whiting, 1842). Not all members of the Church have been members since their childhood, and too many new converts have stumbled upon the Churchs history of plural marriage and have been shocked and even angered they were not told of it before their baptism. It's true when they say that you really do find out who your real friends are when disaster strikes. Just as a civil marriage does not automatically translate into a temple sealing for a Mormon couple, a civil divorce does not unseal them. . Elder DallinH. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, Divorce, Ensign, May 2007, 71. Your Feelings About Mormon Polygamy., 50. John Kitzmiller, personal interview, October 13, 2011. I can't imagine a Seventy giving instruction that was inconsistent with Church policy. For more information regarding these post-Manifesto marriages, see Drew Briney, Apostles on Trial: Examining the Membership Trials of Apostles Taylor and Cowley (Salt Lake City: Hindsight Publications, 2012); B. Carmon Hardy, Solemn Covenant: The Mormon Polygamous Passage (Urbana: University of Illinois Press, 1992); and D. Michael Quinn, LDS Church Authority and New Plural Marriages, 18901904, Dialogue: A Journal of Mormon Thought 18/1 (Spring 1985): 9105. From the 1840s to the present, anti-Mormon literature has accused Church leaders and members of immorality and lasciviousness, [Page 48]with suggestions that Joseph Smith started plural marriage to cover-up his own adulterous affairs.6 The 1840s saw some early purveyors of the lustful and lascivious stereotype in the supposed insider exposs of John C. Bennett and the Van Dusens.7 Ironically, some of these clichd stereotypes are still being used today. Top Mormon leaders mostly Republican; two switch to unaffiliated Elder Quentin L. Cook said growing up he learned how to trust the Lord from his mother, Bernice Kimball Cook, and how to set and achieve goals from his father, J.Vernon Cook. There were 400 respondents, with a little over half being male. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. You cannot paste images directly. Beyond an overall dislike for plural marriage expressed by those who had negative views, there were several factors that seemed to particularly distress them. If my daughters friend had been taught from her childhood, she would not have been blown away. Is there somewhere i can look this up? As she tried to cope with the loss of her sister, Christy Denney found the connection to family she was craving in an unusual placea cherry cheese pie. 67. 27. The only safe path through a divorce is to remain true to the gospel. WebRulon Jeffs was a leader of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. All who have been through divorce know the pain and need the healing power and hope that come from the Atonement. With the comforting doctrine that we can be sealed to our loved ones for eternity, divorce is a conclusion drawn with heavy hearts. Of those who had a very unfavorable feeling toward plural marriage at the time of the survey, over three quarters of them learned about polygamy as a child or teenager.38, An intriguing survey finding was that almost 58% were children or teenagers when they learned about Joseph Smith having plural wives. LDS At the 2011 FAIR Conference, Hudson gave a presentation describing plural marriage as an Abrahamic sacrifice, or an exception to Gods law rather than an eternal principle.52 Her conference presentation, titled A Reconciliation of Polygamy, was based on an earlier article of hers titled Polygamy. Hudson claimed that in the eternities we will have the privilege of living under the law, not the exception to the law.53 She further referred to the belief, which she felt was mostly held by male members of the Church, as nothing more than celestial lust.54 In her article, she also made comments regarding modern Latter-day Saint beliefs about the eternal nature of plural marriage: If cultural misinterpretations cause the women and men of the Church to mourn over polygamy, either because they mistakenly believe that God is indifferent between sacrifice and non-sacrifice and so no escape from this sacrifice will be provided by God or because they are led to believe that they are selfish and not [Page 66]righteous if they feel pain at the thought of polygamy, then these cultural interpretations are actively harming our people. In many ways, Fundamentalist Mormons are like Latter-day Saints former relativesex-uncles or crazy former cousins who cause embarrassment and discomfort, for they remind us of a married past we would rather forget. The historical record, however, clearly demonstrates that Church leaders intended at least a few plural marriages to continue without the Churchs public sanction and encouragement.2 This contributed to the difficulties of the next few decades. E-mail correspondence between [anonymous] and Craig L. Foster, August 14, 2011. For example, several years ago the priesthood/Relief Society manual on the teachings of Brigham Young included a timeline of significant dates in his life, including his first marriage and his second monogamist marriage after the death of his first wife. But these challenges only worked to strengthen President Uchtdorf's testimony of the gospel and family. Heres how a new speaker series can help you find it: Temples are some of the most beautiful places on earth, but the work that takes place inside of them is what makes them sacred. ok if you have any links or info that i can show this person i would like to see them and thanks for confirming what i thought A number of years later I was organizing a visit of some dignitaries to Salt Lake City. Ponder what kind of support you have been, are, and can be to those you know in the Church who have experienced or are experiencing a divorce. Many survey respondents noted that they felt most accepted and supported by nonmembers because they were not judgmental and there is less of a stigma around divorce in the outside world. Any righteous, willing, and worthy man may be bishop regardless of his marital status. We as friends, neighbors, ward members, [ministerers], family, etc., should show Christs love. 56. Alternately, Todd D. Compton, in an essay in the same volume, 184232, titled, Early Marriage in the New England and Northeastern States, and in Mormon Polygamy: What Was the Norm? argues that such age gaps between marriage partners were unusual, but because his analysis relies on New England marriage patterns rather than those of the frontier, I do not believe he has rebutted the perspective offered by Foster, Keller, and Smith.